Retribution X: Terror
by Anything but ordinary3
Summary: Retribution X get cut off from Xaviers funding while getting a wheelchair rammed into their legs.Bitter? Very! Please Read and review Complete
1. Mary Poppins in a trench coat

**Disclaimer: ****Normal**** is only a setting on a washing machine...**

**Ok Retribution X are mine (excluding Jubes) the rest belong to those good guys n gals of Marvel!**

_Ok a huge thanks to Oracles Maiden and Mini Maiden (Cozzie.b on here) who came up with a lot of ideas for this fic. Without their constant badgering (*Cough* Mini Maiden *Cough*) this fic would never have been completed let alone would I be contemplating the next one, I had come to a decision a few weeks ago to not continue with the series, that was until she got on my nerves with her demands for more! Not that I'd ever admit its down to her! ;0P_

A huge **thank you** also goes out to **xXrogue-demonXx** whose stories make me laugh so hard I think I might explode, you're great!!

**Thanx4reading**-your comments and reviews really do light up my dank days!! Keep em coming and when are you gonna update Rookie League? Hope you get to this story soon, I know you're working your way through them!

**Heroes for ghosts **I love to hear your opinions on my stories, that means a lot considering your stories are so good!! Like **Thanx4reading **I hope you reach this story soon, as you to are reading your way through them! Also update soon…pweeasse *grins winningly*

So with no further ado I present to you:

**Retribution X: Terror**

**Retribution Xs Kitchen.******

"YOU ARE NOT HAVING A THEMED WEDDING!" it rang throughout the mansion, that strangled yell, the yell of 6 exasperated team mates to the most feeble minded among them.

Kat wailed "BUT I WANTED A FAIRYTALE WEDDING, WITH WOLVERINE DRESSED AS THE 3 BEARS, GAMBIT AS ROBIN HOOD AND KURT AS THE EVIL STEP MOTHER!"

Mel was fuming now "KURT IS NOT EVIL!"

"He's marrying you isn't he!"

I looked at Richard; Richard looked at Tristan who in turn looked at Bounce, who poked Jubilee who began to swear. I sighed. Mel and Kats arguments, entertaining as they were, had taken on a whole new level.

Ok I feel I need to fill you in on some details. Kat recently spent a few days away, she told us that she had joined the mutant version of Big Brother but I think that she probably got lost in the Freezer section of the minute mart again! Ever since she has been acting strangely….wait she's always strange…stranger then. She ran in asking Bobby if he had brought the 'marshmallow tree' or something, and she has been hankering on to go on a mission which is the strangest thing of all!

Right now we are in wedding 'negotiations' with her, namely we say no to any of her or Bobby's suggestions. However they seem to be caught on this whole 'fairytale theme' where Kat will be Tinky Winky and Bobby will be a dwarf and the guests have to dress as their favourite fairytale creature. 

I could picture it now, Logan as grumpy the dwarf…wait he already was, the priest as the magic mirror on the wall, the bridesmaids dressed in their best sleeping beauty/snow white/Cinderella/Shrek costumes…..

"ARGH!" I yelled 

Everyone's heads snapped around to look at me as if I was Sabretooth sucking a dummy or something.

They didn't ask what was wrong; they were probably having the same images as me.

"YOU WILL WEAR A WHITE DRESS AND BOBBY WILL WEAR A TUX!" Mel yelled in her best, Mel taking over voice

Alas, as with every argument that has taken place since the team was formed (well ones that involved Kat in some capacity, big or small) something ended up being burn, namely the kitchen and the dining area was badly smoke damaged.

"Thank heavens for Xavier's gold card" Bounce said picking up what once may have been a towel but was more than likely the contents of the washing machine and looking at it sadly

As is the way with life, whenever tragedy strikes something comes along to distract your attention, the battle alarm went off. Why is it always the way to be flung into the heat of a battle when you are busy stamping out a fire?

"To the Bat Mobile!" Tristan said flinging his arm towards what was once a sink, Kat climbed into it quickly.

**In the heat of ****Battle******

Ok so the phrase, 'to be plunged into the heat of battle' was a bit premature we were just scuttling out of our very own Retribution X van (long gone are the days of my old rust bucket hauling us into battle – we got a new mode of transport nearly every month hey it does have to carry Kat and Bounce after all!) It was a Scuzzlebutt related incident, looks like ol' Sabretooth was having his monthly rampage, I like to think its hormone induced. Suddenly I saw a slightly podgy girl run past me in a manner nothing like Quicksilvers. 

"Kitty! Yay! Long time no see!" The blur of podgy white flesh then latched itself to the leg of the puzzled mutant "Can you tell them that story you read to me and Bobby that night in the Mansion?"

Sabretooth looked at Kat as if he wanted to kill her but their was something stopping him, more than likely the fear that this product of a deranged mind may contaminate him.

Kat looked at us eagerly "When I was in the X Big Brotherhood mansion Kitty here used to give us piggy back rides and stuff!" She was now positively beaming

Sabretooth blinked

"It's ok she scares us too" Richard informed the huge mutant

"Don't you love me anymore?" She asked Sabretooth biting her lip ready to wail

Sabretooth looked from us to her and made a wise decision he ran, looking over his shoulder the whole time to make sure that Kat wasn't following him, however it was due to this that he ran smack bang into the Retribution X van, boy was that a huge dent. 

I looked at Kat maybe Jean was right, maybe Kat did need to be fixed to prevent other malfunctioned people like her being unleashed upon the populace.

**Back home**

We arrived home to notice as soon as we walked in that that fire from earlier we thought we had done a good job putting out wasn't put out after all and had kind of spread so maybe the hall would need to be redecorated/rebuilt too. We soon put the fire out though, we used Hanks lab coat to smother bits of it (okay Hank was still in the coat but he only got a little singed) and put the rest out by getting Kat to manipulate it and throw it at the X-Jet which Scott was just landing from a test flight, so what it might have to rebuilt from scratch? That doesn't matter does it?

**An hour later**

"Okay Okay I'll get a whole team of builders on the wing so that it should be finished soon…." Xavier said with a sigh

"TOMMOROW" Bounce demanded arms crossed across her chest

The professor rubbed his hands across his brow "You know what, you are draining my resource's more than the X-men ever have and they have 4 times as many members!"

"Ohhhh is that your angry voice?" Bounce really didn't like the Professor much

"We have Kat though!" I pointed out evenly as Kat ran around the room giggling about butterflies and how they flutter by when their wings are on fire.

"I have a mind to cut off you money supply altogether" Xavier glared at us angrily 

"Wow you actually have a mind?" Bounce exclaimed incredulously as Jubilee swatted at her arm in a bid to get her to shut up

"Right that's it from this moment forward I'm not going to pay for anything…nothing, except the refurbishments but that's only because it reflects badly on the school…"

Jubilees head snapped up "Not even that cute Gucci bag I saw yesterday that would look perfect with that little black dress I was going to buy…er I mean my uniform!" She blushed "That's right it could carry medical supplies in battle" She look sheepish, but we all knew she was lying so it was a wasted effort really.

"No not even a Gucci bag!"

*GASP*

"You shall generate your own electricity from the wheel situated in your basement in which the servants were made to run around in, in the old days in order to provide my forefathers with the light they needed to see….."

"Erm but our wings only a few years old" Ha! That stopped the old goat rambling on!

 "GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!"

We all looked at the bald man and wondered if this was the onset of senile dementia.

We sauntered from the room with many snickers and much taunting of the mentally frail (not Kat this time but Xavier).

**Outside his office**

"Do you really think he will cut us of?" Richard asked nervously, he was thinking of his cooler full of beer

"Of course he won't…he's just going soft in the brain is all!" I reassured him with a laugh.

When we reached our wing we grabbed Mel's mobile so we could order a pizza (are kitchen was fried after all) however the guy at the Pizza place was in an arsy mood and refused to send a pizza over (he had refused us ever since Bounce got over excited and bounced one of their delivery boys on top of the nearest skyscraper and forgot to bring him back down again).

So what we did is what any resourceful young group of mutants would do….moan they are hungry….raid the Brady Bunches fridge and when that fails (because Scott is in the med bay due to an unfortunate accident in the X-jet), you ring the nearest Chinese takeaway. This is where this tale of terror begins.

Despite my bravado it seems the brain cell that the Professor claims for his own wasn't as mushy as it appears on many an occasion and he had cancelled his card…the card which every member of Retribution X had learnt off by heart, the card which was our only source of money. Cancelled, finis, dead…..no dinner for Retribution X. That was it, the straw that broke Richard's glasses (ok that was my fist raised in anger).

"What the hell are we going to do now?" I asked angrily

"We do what resourceful youngsters the world over do!" Jubilee said chirpily

"Good idea but do you honestly think that Wolverine will pay for our drink sprees?" I asked

"Erm actually that wasn't what I was thinking, I thought we could make money from our best assets and talents." Jubilee said face splitting into a grin

"What causing chaos and destruction wherever we travel?" Tristan asked wiping off Kat slobber from his arm and wiping it onto Mel's handbag

"Well no not exactly…I was thinking more along the lines of busking for a living" Jubilee said dreamily

"I AM NOT SINGING!" I announced, moodily folding my arms over my chest

**Outside the Mall**

_"At first I was afraid_

_I was petrified…."_

I sat in the corner as people flipped coins at me yelling that someone should shut the tone deaf kid up, but if the money would help her hold a tune they was all for supporting the cause. I had to agree with the pedestrian's who's brains Kat was driving out though her screech, I myself had a mouldy towel wrapped around my head (which a hobo had kindly donated to the cause).

_"Go on now go…._

_Walk out the door"_

The plan wasn't working most people were driven back by the sound of Kats voice and the rest ran past us, hands over ears giving as wide a birth as possible (I wondered not for the first time if we were afflicted with a deadly and highly contagious disease causing such a reaction).

I fumbled about in the pocket of my leather jacket until I found my phone and flipped it open.

"Hello" The gruff voice on the other end barked

"Hi, I thought that I would call in that favour…."

**An hour or so later….**

"Hand over the money bub or you'll be visiting adamantium city" Wolverine growled as he clutched a rich looking passer by, by his Armani suit.

"Here take this…but _please _don't hurt me…I have a wife and a dog!" The guy stuttered throwing his wallet at Kat

Logan threw the guy to the floor and attacked another guy, he looked like needed bringing down a peg or two anyway.

I walked away, once you've seen Logan attack one innocent pedestrian you've seen him attack them all (give him his due he only did it to guys who looked like they either had plenty of money or attitude). I watched Kat as she looked at the wallets littered at her feet, she then looked around grabbed the wallets and shoved them under her armpit and ran into the mall. I looked after her retreating and highly wobbly butt and contemplated following.

At that moment we saw mall security coming towards us, causing Wolverine to hastily drop the guy he was hassling and give him a kiss on the cheek. I screwed up my eyes in an attempt to make out what the object the security guy was dragging behind him was; it appeared to be some kind of potato sack. However as the security approached it became clear that the potato sack was in fact Remy.

"Bonjour Chere's!" Remy greeted cheerily as he was dragged to the gutter

"Excuse me but what is this man charged with?" Richard asked sounding very much like a man of the law.

The security guard regarded Richard for a moment "Theft" He then turned his attention back to Remy "Empty your pockets and you may not be charged"

Remy shook his head "Non, Remy tink dat be a bad idea"

The guard raised an eyebrow, Remy sighed "Ok, ok!" 

Remy pulled out a notepad, 5 decks of cards, a pot of jelly, a mouldy sandwich, face cream, aftershave, a bar of soap, a 'Greatest love songs of all time' C.D, a red silky thong, a Clint Eastwood portrait, a beach umbrella, a hipflask (half empty), a small gremlin (or was it a small child?) and several bottles (some of which were empty) of Tequila.

"Officer arrest this man!" Bounce yelled pointing at Gambit

"I can't those are none of the items he's accused of stealing"

"Oh" Bounce sat on the floor and looked as if she would cry "I wanted to know a criminal…"

**Back at the Retribution X mansion…well wing…whatever**

We had been chased from the mall soon after the Gambit incident by people wielding Sporks and skewers…let me tell you it wasn't a nice sight. Anyway all of the money we had made was with Kat wherever she was…I hadn't seen her since the whole wandering off with the wallets thing. Oh well one thing had come out of this whole debacle and that was that we missed Scott coming to bring us sandwich's (apparently he hadn't been too badly injured in the crash- worst luck).

Unfortunately as with all kind of unwanted animals Kat returned home, she scurried excitedly into the wing which was undergoing refurbishments from 4 truck loads of workers all under Xavier's mind control.

"Guess what?" Kat asked breathlessly

"You ate an elephant?" I asked not even looking up from the magazine I had stolen (did I say stolen I meant nicked…er borrowed) from Jeans 'personal space'.

"No, you'll never guess….I got a tattoo!"

"Not another one of those henna efforts? How many of those poor people have you burnt?" Mel scoffed from the corner of the room from where she had ordered a cheap pizza with the little money we had…damn Xavier for not dealing in cash instead of credit cards which could be stopped!

Bounce bounced over to Kat "LetmeseeLetmesee!" She said hurriedly (that was the last time I was gonna let her nick pixie sticks off of the little kids!)

Kat grinned "It's dedicated to the love of my life!" She said flashing us the spot on her pot belly where she had the tattoo

"Boobys! The love of your life are Booby's!" 

"No it says Bobby" She said slowly like I was thicker then her

"Well unless Bobby is suddenly being spelt in a new and exotic way that doesn't spell Bobby then this says Booby"

Kat looked at her belly "Damn it….he said that dyslexia was a state in China… that woman warned me…" She mumbled to herself "….I wonder what Scott's one says"

Mel held up her hands "Wait a second you're telling me Scott had a tattoo done too?"

Kat looked at Mel as if she were a piece of dirt "Yes something about masculinity"

**Meanwhile….**

Scott wheeled into the room in his Xavier style wheel chair

"Guess what I did today Luscious Lips" He said to Jean who was busy washing his smelly y-fronts

Jean barely looked at her husband and grunted for him to tell her

"I got a tattoo with your name on it"

"Really you're so romantic show me…" Jean gushed kissing Scott's frog lips before looking at the tattoo "…is this some kind of joke?"

"What?" Scott looked startled at Jeans sudden change of countenance

"It says Jeans and has a Levi label tattooed to the side of it" Jean was turning a funny shade of purple

"Oh dear…." gulp

**All that's left now is for you to review…so what are you waiting for? **


	2. The old git

**See look I've updated no need to send Scott to me, I'm being a good girl honest *grins innocently***

I apologies if the breaks between chapters are weird, I never know where the hell to end chapters so I hope it makes sense!

**That evening**

We sat watching the TV. when pffft all the electricity went out

"ARGH! IT'S DARK" Kat screeched in that high pitched voice that only dogs and Wolverine could hear as there was another high pitched girly shriek.

"Kat that was my crotch you just grabbed and squeezed like that" Tristan said higher pitched than usual and with a small cough

"What's going on?" Mel asked as if the electricity hadn't gone out all of 10 seconds ago

"Calm down….it's probably just a fuse blown I'll go check" Richard said making his unsteady way to the bits'n'bobs drawer where our torch's are kept.

Someone (I assume Tristan) leapt up to join Richard but fell straight back down onto the sofa making small gasps of pain (obviously feeling the after effects of Kats vice like grip).

"I'M SCARED!" Kat wails sobbing onto what she assumed to be Tristan's shoulder

"Kat that's the arm of the sofa" Tristan pointed out making her wail louder.

"Take her into the basement it's time she had a 'time out'" I instructed as Bobby and Tristan took an arm each and descended to the basement with her. 

I looked around feeling like I should be doing something ….leaderish…so I looked at Jubilee and Bounce whose evil grins I could just make out in the dusky darkness and did what everyone was thinking about…

I grabbed a pillow "PILLOW FIGHT!"

We heard Mel give a sniffle from the corner well aware that as usual she would be the subject to the majority of the torment.

**5 minutes later**

We  had run out of pillows that hadn't split and Richard was still poking around in the box of fuses, he must have been stuck as he had asked Tristan to help him, something people rarely do his charges are steep (once he helped me mow the lawn and I ended up doing his washing for a week?! How that had come about I do not to this day know). Anyway I was now at a lose end and decided to go down and check how well Kat was coping with her punishment.

I descended down the spiral stone staircase illuminated by the soft glow of numerous candelabras mounted upon the wall, once I had reached the bottom step I swept the basement cum dungeon with a glance. Black shackles were mounted on the wall to my right, there was a rack in the middle of the floor and to my left was the iron maiden and Kats wheel of terror. 

Kats wheel of terror despite the sound of it was actually not that bad, well as long as you like over sized hamster wheels that is. I watched as Kat ran in terror in the wheel making it spin faster and faster, her breathing speeding up until she didn't think she could breath anymore and so, she stopped in her tracks….unfortunately the wheel didn't stop spinning resulting in Kat spinning round and round in the wheel on her butt mouthing "Help" as she sped so fast around the wheel that she was almost a blur and then she found her feet and began to run again, it was all in all a good evenings entertainment. 

**Later….******

I decided the only way to get out of this predicament was to drown my sorrows but seeing as we couldn't afford a taxi I decided that I would have to find my own way to the Jade Room and so my trusty reader I made my way to the Retribution X mobile (the 11th one in the last year or so). 

Mmmm…I wandered around the garage, it wasn't there and I knew no one else had driven it except me (mainly because not all Retribution X could drive and the ones that could, had their own flash sports cars *cough* Tristan, Richard *cough*), I must have parked it somewhere else.

"May I inquire as to what you are seeking?" I was startled as the large Blue mutant hung down from the tree hanging onto a branch with his unnaturally large feet.

I gazed sadly out at the lake "Do you ever park your car and then not know where it is?" I asked him

"Certainly"

"Well its one of those times" 

"Oh." Beast thought for a moment "You always park your car in the lake so that is the obvious place to look"

"You know this isn't a good time to turn your hand to sarcasm" I grimaced "Besides I've looked everywhere else, even Kats bedroom which was a brave feat I think you will agree"

"Kats bedroom?"

"Every thing that goes missing can be found there; washing machines, matches, fairy liquid, saucepans…." I trailed of in the hope that if I turned around really quick the car would be behind me, I did this several times but to no avail.

**Back inside the mansion**

I walked into the mansion sighing loudly in the hope that someone would ask me what was wrong. I had to repeat this several times and with a few electric shocks thrown in before Tristan finally took the hint.

"What the hells wrong with you?" He grunted as I zapped him for the 8th time

"Me? What makes you think something is wrong?" I asked

Tristan opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off

"Where the bloody hell is our mutant mobile?? I'm sure I parked it in the garage but I can't find it anywhere" 

"Oh I forgot to tell you Scott drove away with it saying that the insurance for it was too high so Xavier was gonna sell it to the Avengers"

"YOU WHAT?!" I exploded outraged "WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE _AVENGERS?"_

"Erm the Avengers, he sold it to em" He gulped edging away from me

"AND YOU LET THEM?"

"Well I couldn't say no could I? I was getting ready for my date and I didn't wanna have to have another shower after touching Scott did I?"

We sat in silence for a moment "So how did your date go?"

"Oh it was fine….is it me or is it starting to get cold outside?" He hedged around the subject

"You weren't gone long?"

"Yes that was probably because she heard a little rumour" blushed scarlet

"What she ditched you because you're a mutant that is disgusting!" I was beginning to get mad again

"No she heard I went for a date with last month's hottie yesterday!"

"Oh well serves you right then!" I said whacking him with the pillow, "Womaniser"

"Hey there was no need for that!" He said as he spilt some beer down his shirt

There was a knock at the door and the sound of clambering I got up prepared to shout at them to go away only to be faced with the same rabble of kids we got every Friday night. Mel and Kurt got up and straightened their clothes waiting for the kids to start taking photos of them…only this week they didn't.

"You can take the pictures now if you like" Mel said digging her elbow into Kurt's ribs to make him smile

"Sorry, but you aint the cutest couple anymore…" A small blond haired boy stated as there was a sudden surge of movement from the crowd behind him as Kat and Bobby came down the stairs. 

"How does it feel to be voted the mansions cutest couple in this month's who's hot poll?" Was one of the yells I heard aimed at the couple? I suddenly flung myself out from behind the door and bared my teeth waiting for the kids to scatter as was their custom. However today they just continued to photograph Kat and Bobby

**In front of the Who's Hot who's not board**

"I can't believe that me and Kurt have slipped behind _them" Mel was on the verge of tears when she noticed that she and Kurt had slipped from the hottest couple to the 'Ug Pugs' (A/N Ugliest people) section of the board_

You would be forgiven if you thought she was referring to the Mansions newest hot couple; however she was in fact referring to the Summers who habitually took the last place, the last place that Mel and Kurt were now occupying.

I however had my own problems "I can not believe I am no longer the mansions scariest inhabitant."

"Yeah well Wolverines been back from the Canadian wilderness almost a month now and I think he has been snarling away especially to hit the top spot" Richard informed me

I sulked slightly, me being the scariest Inhabitant often meant that the dinner queue disappeared as soon as I appeared, so I would play this up and throw apples at the younger students and sharpen my knife collection in their rec room while glowering at them and muttering 'soon…soon'. Now the midget man returns to take my crown, mmmm…I don't think so. I would prove them wrong tonight if I had to skin em…ok maybe I wouldn't go that far. I was suddenly jerked away from my evil plans by Bounce

"PHEW!" She said wiping her forehead off

"What?" I asked looking at her for an explanation

Jubilee helpfully pointed a gloved finger (temperatures were dropping in the Retribution X side of the mansion) at the 'Crappest team of the moment' sheet, this was the most prestigious of all as it was backed by *shock horror* statistics. 

"We're still the crappest team" Jubilee said with a grin the size of the Mississippi river.

"Ohhh it says we only completed 1 mission out of 16 last month, and as a little note on the side it says we fled after Kat related incidents…" Jubilee said peering at the sheet with size 10 font (it saves on ink this way or so the professors says).

"You know there should be an emergency number especially for Kat related incidents like 911" Bounce interrupted her before being silenced by a glare from Jubilee who was enjoying being centre of attention.

"….fled after Kat related incidents and bouts of indigestions" Jubilee finished staring haughtily at Tristan

Tristan merely shrugged at the accusation and said "It was the beef"

I looked at Jubilee surprised "You soon changed your tune a minute ago you was proud to be the a member of the crappest team"

"Well look the even the _Avengers _are above us" She said pouting

I blinked at her for a moment just because I could. 

I took a moment to realise what the angry hum reminiscent of angry bees storming towards us was and by the time we realised it was too late the Professor was already ramming us in the legs with his wheel chair.

"Owwww….." Richard looked startled.

Bounce covered her head with her hands "My legs hurt" She announced rubbing her ear

"Get out of my mansion! GETTTT OUUUUTT!" He yelled at us sounding like the scariest of scary low budget horror movie Zombies.

Needless to say we fled at high speeds as Xavier cackled manically from behind us.

**Back in our wing.******

The sound of the radio being tuned in cut into my head like a jack hammer as I shivered from the lack of heating, (it may have been because I was sat next to Bobby but lets ignore that fact).

_"Today mass murderer Bob Nesbitt escaped from the secure prison in which he was sentenced to face life imprisonment after freezing his victims, mainly young couples  before cutting them up and selling the bodies to a local butcher as pork. He has served 15 years of his sentence and is said to be dangerous and that if seen he should not be approached, however there is a substantial reward on knowledge of his whereabouts._

_Meanwhile in other news George Bush…" _

I heard the sound of the radio news person mutter, before it burst into a salsa song.

"Hey I was listening to the news" Mel protested, Richard sighed wearily as Jubilee clung to the radio protectively.

"Is that Captain America….Naked?" Mel asked pointing at the wall, however it apparently fooled Jubilee and Bounce both of whose heads spun around to take in the sight…of a wall

"No fair you're not meant to use your powers on your team mates!" Jubilee said pulling the radio back out of Mel's hands and turning it back to the Salsa hour, this action resulted in a tug of war between Mel and Jubes

"SALSA HOUR!"  
"THE NEWS!"

"SALSA HOUR!!!"

"THE NEWS!"

"SALS…."

*STOMP STOMP, CRASH, CRACKLE*

I stomped on the radio three times making sure it was well and truly silenced before throwing it out of the window.

This resulted in a unified cry of "_ASH!"_ from all of the rooms occupants, except Kat who wailed _"FRED!"_

I blinked at Kat for a moment before throwing myself back onto the sofa, 6 sets of eyes were trained on me accusingly as I drank some of the skanky water out of the vase, Kat was looking at the ceiling giggling to her self.

"_What?!"_ I asked indignantly

**Later….******

As night fell our wing of the mansion became shrouded in darkness, it freezing cold and we couldn't light a fire because Kat was too afraid to move to light one because she was scared of the dark.

Jubilee stood up, at least I think it was Jubilee you couldn't really tell one form from the other in the dark but her neon yellow Mac was a give away

"I have an idea!" She announced

"We've been here before" I heard Mel mumble 

Jubilee stared Mel down in typical Jubilee style "And what exactly is that meant to mean Miss Thang?"

Mel opened her eyes wide with shock and innocence "Nothing, nothing all I'm saying is that I remember the protest song you made us sing"

Jubilee just flicked her hair "Well if you don't want to hear a suggestion that may get us out of this situation…" She began to walk away but was stopped as her butt caught fire (Kat thought it was a killer glow worm!)

"I know what your suggestion is…" Bounce claimed with insight "…that we take Kat to the pound and put her up for adoption!"

Jubilee (after stopping, dropping and rolling as she had millions of times before) shook her head "Nothing as simple as that I am afraid, it involves apologising to Xavier and trying to get him on side…."

"And how do you propose to do that?" Richard asked 

"Simple we play the guilt trip"

"Well I for one refuse to go batting my eyelashes at that monster…..anyway it's not that cold" I said just knowing that my nose was turning blue

"I'll do all the talking!" Jubilee offered

I looked at her reluctantly "Ok I'm in"

**Several minutes later**

We led Kat to Xavier's office with the dog lead that Bounce brought for her pet rabbit so that we knew where she was in the dark (which made her sob). 

After minutes of petitioning and putting our case to the 'nice old man' we got told that he was glad that Kat was dying of hypothermia and Tristan may not be able to attend his date cause he had a cold, and that we deserved all we got. Then as the sour icing on a very bitter cake he began ramming our legs again with his wheelchair and telling us that if we ever set foot in this side of the mansion again he would set Scott and Jean on us….as _babysitters, the thought was quite truthfully terrifying. We slunk to our mansion like dogs with our tails between our legs and wondered for the first time if we really had pushed him too far…after all he was bald._

We passed Kurt sat by the warm glow of the X-men's fire in the rec. room and he waved brightly at us as we rubbed our gloved hands together. Mel asked if he would join us back in our room and he merely shrugged before pointing at the fire. 

**Minutes later in the Retribution X wing**

Tristan had gone on a date with some chick from the local library leaving us alone to make our own entertainment, and after the 100th argument that night I threw the monopoly board out of the window…I _do not CHEAT! _

"Hey where's Richard?" Bounce asked patting Kats back trying to get her to cough up the shoe she had eaten moments before.

"I don't know!" I said exasperatedly as I slammed the window shut "You lot probably frightened him off" I joked causing Kat to burst into tears and wail

_"It was Mel!"_

Used to these outbursts we ignored her.

"I wonder where Richard could be" Mel said in her best Belle voice

"THE MURDERERERS TAKEN HIM" Kat wailed tears streaming down her face

The team scattered and began looking for him, we looked everywhere under the cushions, in the cupboard and Kat even looked in his Cooler (with wheels) and a jar of instant coffee, mind you it was hard to see with no lights on.

"That means that the brave soul has traipsed to the inner mansion and risked being shut in a room with the Summers" I announced to the girls, Mel and Bounce made the sign of the cross while Kat resumed weeping, and Jubilee hoped that his soul may be free of torture once it ha departed from this plain of existence.

"Ok so troops whose brave enough to risk having to talk to _them and wants to come and try to infiltrate the enemy camp."_

I looked around for volunteers and only saw Mel getting pushed, ok tripped over by Bounce who whistled merrily

"Mel volunteers!" Jubilee said happily

"Ok Mel you're coming with me!" I announced with an evil grin spreading across my face thankfully she couldn't see it as it was so dark

All I heard was a faint gulp from her general direction.

**Please do remember to review, a review is an authors candy (this other does not like bitter apples so please don't send them)!**


	3. Billy Bob & the sticky vest

**Hello I'm back again, updating everyday…gosh isn't that unusual for me *mock look of shock*. Don't worry tho I haven't lost my lazy ways, it's simply down to the fact that other than Big Brotherhood I will not post a story that is unfinished, its just to much pressure.**

_Huge thanks and major Kudos to xXRogue-DemonXx, Xx-Disturbed-xX and Mini Maiden long may all of you reign in the realm of Fanfiction. And mini maiden (a.k.a Cozzie.b in this site) hurry up and finish your fic and post it you have me hooked!!_

Also all of you Retribution X fans out there (I Know there are some) go check out Oracles Maiden's fic Channel hopping, has me, my muses and pinky and the brain style parody bout Magneto and the prof and Gambit hosting a very familiar gameshow!! So go check it out now! ….Actually after you have read and reviewed this fic!!

**In Xavier's office**

We had infiltrated the main area of the Mansion and had won over the guard ensuring we stayed out of the area, fortunately for us and unfortunately for Xavier the guard was Remy and I just happened to be carrying my hip flask full of rum, we had no trouble after that. 

We had reached Xavier's office in the hope that Richard had gotten lost and just come here to wait for some one to guide him back to the Retribution X wing, considering his college education and doctorate this seemed unlikely. We peered around the corner and began searching

"Psst…Ash" 

I looked at Mel "What?"

"It's the exam results cabinet…."

"And? I'm sure that Richard isn't hiding in there…"

"No…" Mel cut me off "…It will tell us who according to the tests we all had to take the other year who did the best…I'm betting Kat got the lowest score with Bobby"

I waved my hand at the metal cabinet as if I wasn't in the least bit curious. "Go on then."

Mel rifled through all the papers for a while before coming across something that caught her eye. 

"What is it?" 

"It's the file of all the tests and look it's got the intellectual ranking of all the occupants of the mansion in the front…." Mel fell silent as she looked at the ranking

"Whodathunkit?" I asked her staring in disbelief as I read that the people with the highest I.Q.'s in the mansion were…Kat, Bobby and Wolverine. 

Mel was frenzied in her search for the actual tests that they sat so she could see what answers they gave.

It seemed that all of Wolverines questions were on porn stars, beer and cigars. Bobby's questions all had the answer of Ice; Ice caps, or Black ice, and Kats answers were all Malta.

"I knew it…" Mel breathed as a betting slip fell from the folder "…I can not believe Xavier would be so corrupt as to manipulate the results!" Tears welled up in her eyes as she whispered "I should have been at the top" 

I grabbed a toupee from Xavier's desk and handed to her so she could use it as a hanky. 

"Oh well do you fancy going somewhere warm to have a kip?" I asked Mel

"Anywhere in mind?" Mel asked dropping the file on the floor forgotten

"Yep!"

**In the Summer's 'relaxation area'.**

We knew we were safe from detection here as the good family summers were always in bed asleep by this time and barely had visitors (unless you include rats and stray cats who for some reason seemed drawn to Jean like a magnet) so we grabbed some grub and a soda kicked off our shoes and sat back on their sofa, feet on the coffee table and watched the T.V. where the police were still looking for the escaped mass murderer.

"Turn it over" I said nudging Mel who was taking a sip of her soda causing her to spill a bit of it on the Jeans white sofa.

"Opppsssieee!"

"Don't worry I accidentally dropped a load of chocolate on it and it's all melted in" I pointed to the large brown dirty patch on the sofa.

"Ohh its jolly nice to see you I never expected to see you here" Scott said as the drippy pair walked in

Jean looked in horror at the mess we had made

"What the hell have you done to my lovely sofa?" Jean demanded

Scott peered over Jeans shoulder at the mess "You know I believe that you can get adult nappies if you have problems controlling yourself" 

I looked at him disgusted "Its chocolate you fool"

"Ohhh well in that case we can spend the evening with you now your house trained just like the professor…" Scott stopped and drooled at the mention of Xavier before continuing "…said we had to if we ever found you!"

I grabbed Mel's arm and we ran, in the background we could here Scott ask if his breath smelt.

**Meanwhile…**

Kat sucked on a bubble blowing pipe causing her to splutter and foam at the mouth slightly as her oversized Sherlock Holmes hat slipped over her head. Kats new friend Billy Bob is following a safe distance behind her.

"What ya doing Kat?" Tristan asked coming in taking a drag of his slim cigarettes

"We're huntin' wabbits!" Kat replied Elmer Fudd style

"What?"

"We're tracking down the killer" Billy Bob filled in helpfully

Tristan eyed Billy Bob carefully taking another drag and exhaling smoke from his nose giving him the appearance of a dragon. "…and you are?"

"Billy Bobs the name, huntin's me game!"

Tristan looked at him but apparently didn't see him as a threat and stuck his hand out in Billy Bobs direction "Tristan"

Kat was looking under the mat for signs of Richard

"I'm going out on my  3rd date now, she's waiting outside now…don't set fire to Ash's alcohol stash no matter how cold it gets or you might just lose an eye…."   
Kat slapped a hand protectively over her eye

"Anywho keep her outta trouble alright Billy Bob?"

Billy Bob nodded as he lifted the pot plant and looked underneath it. "So what exactly does this missing guy look like?"

Kat looks up startled, scared even "Who's missing?"

"You know the guy you're looking for"

"Oh you mean the one who's been murdered….that's Richard he's one of those Boffard people"

"Boffard?"

"Yeh you know the ones who don't have a life and spend their whole life studying appliances"

"What?"

"God don't you understand England!" Kat asked Billy Bob with the same tone of 'could this person get any thicker' that is often used on her.

It would perhaps be helpful if I were to point out that Kat meant Boffins that study sciences not 'appliances'.  

Billy Bob having grown weary of Kat in the seemingly long 10 minutes he had known her (he had already been treated to her Gloria Gaynor impression) looked at the pot plant (albeit a dead pot plat) that he held in his hand….he raised the plant high above his head and began to bring it down with strength incredible of one so humanoid when Kat suddenly turned around and set fire to it promptly, setting Billy Bob on fire at the same time. 

"Oh I'm really sorry Billy Bob but the plant looked like it needed some water…" She gushed as she spat on his arm in an attempt to put out the fire "….you won't *spit* poke my eyes out with cocktail stick's for doing this will you?"

Billy Bob wasn't listening to her prattle on however as he ran to the bathroom and stuck his hand down the toilet to put out the flame, leaving Kat spitting onto the rug on which he had previously been stood.

Billy Bob having come out of the bathroom was carrying a sharp looking pair of scissors; he held them out in front of him with a look of malicious intent on his face. He gained on Kat slowly, almost menacingly

"Awwww I'm sorry Billy Bob I'm already spoken for I don't think Bobby would like me giving you a lock my hair." She snatched the scissors from Billy Bob's hands before giggling "Pointy, Pointy!"

Kat sat on the floor robed in Sherlock Holmes's garb, mission forgotten immersed in the wonders of the pointy scissors. Doing this she failed to see Billy Bob coming up behind her rope in his hand, luckily at that moment Bobby walked in and fearlessly (and noisily) tackled Billy Bob to the floor proclaiming to have found the escaped murderer. Kat however remained oblivious to the noise and scuffle (they even knocked into her at one point) and wandered off following an imaginary butterfly. It took awhile but eventually Bobby was over powered and was carried off to the walk in freezer to be hacked up later once the dumb red head had been dispatched.

**In ****Logan****'s Bedroom with Ash and Mel**

"Over here we see a funny looking statue made of cling film…" I carefully showcased the statue as Mel acted as some kind of cheap game show host (what? We were bored and tired and HOMELESS)

"…at least I hope its cling film it looks scarily like latex..." Mel's voice drifted off before she squealed in the girly manner unique to her and Scott. "EW"

I jumped sleepily away from the statue that was actually Logan's bin "God the man's at it like a bloody rabbit" I looked around spying an area where I would be safe "Oh well sleepy now…night, night!" I crawled into the laundry basket and nestled into the dirty clothes, before throwing out some smelly underpants and a pair of socks, I looked up watching Mel twitch on the spot.

"You know you should find a spot to sleep, the bath looks cosy" To be honest me and Mel had never really been overly close before, she was everything I wasn't, namely perfect, we had so little in common it was untrue but her heart was in the right place, even if it was misguided sometimes (honestly a woolly hat for my Birthday?!) However I was taking pity on her and as I say there wasn't anything you could really hate about her, she was just born unfortunate in the way that everything went right for her and just the opposite for me, but my way of life was more fun or that's what I tell myself anyway! Anyway as I say I was always closer to Kat, Tristan and Richard than Mel, Bounce and Jubilee; it was nothing personal it just worked out that way, they were a bit too giggly girly for me.

Mel grimaced and daintily got into the bath looking distastefully at the tide mark.

We settled down for sleep, safe in the knowledge that Logan wouldn't be back until dawn at least (he was on a bar crawl), by which time we would be gone.

Unfortunately it seems we hadn't allowed for his bar brawls and he came in an hour or so after we finally drifted off to sleep. Suddenly we heard the soft murmur of;

"Bombay Bitches, or the Naughty nurse…decisions, decisions"

I shot upright nearly causing the laundry basket to topple over, vaguely aware of a sweaty vest stuck to my face. I looked over to where Mel had made a similar move. Not a word passed either of our lips as we scurried for the door in a frenzy, as I stormed out of the door I'm sure I heard a rather gravely chuckle come from the room we had just vacated. Like a fool it made me stand shock still.

"Come on Ash you'll be butchered if you stay there!" I heard Mel whisper urgently however as I slowly turned around to face Wolverine I heard her mumble "Screw you!" as she made a run for the potted plant whose vast foliage (ok half a leaf) Mel hoped would offer refuge from the rampaging runt.

"What's yer problem kid?" He looked me squarely in my eye as if initiating a challenge

I weighed up my options tell the truth and face death, or lie and face a fate worse than death. 

I decided to tell the truth, I straightened my back, vaguely aware of the vest which was previously stuck to my face falling to the floor

"Richard's missing and we were looking for him, so we decided to ask your help but you weren't in so we decided to wait for you"

Ok so it wasn't the truth, it wasn't even a white lie, I sure as hell hadn't been thinking about Richard when I felt the warmth that seeped from the room but who would tell this monster raving loony that? Not me!

**10 minutes later….**

"I can't believe you didn't think to look in the lab _Mel!" I chastised her as Logan escorted us body guard style to the lab_

"What am I meant to have all of the ideas around here?"

"Finally someone who gets it!"

We opened the lab door cautiously you never know what the mansions resident mad scientists were up to. Sometimes I wondered why Beast was so willing to share what had been his own personal space with Richard, especially as the guy never came home but for sleep, beer and missions, secretly I thought it was down to Richards portable Cooler which was perfect for storing sweet confectionary…say Twinkies?

Logan marched in long, heavy strides towards the chiller, no doubt to steal some of Richard's reassuringly expensive beer. I however…ok so it was Mel…noticed that through the glass door of the chiller a worm could be seen writhing about, not just any worm though, a mutant 6 foot long killer worm

"ARGH! The beers covered in a worm" Logan grunted with a *Snickt*

"Logan edge away from the worm" I informed him in my best take control of the bad puppy voice

"Why should I? I've never been scared o' worms" Logan was being rebellious

"IT'S RICHARD YOU IDIOT!" I shouted it just before Logan had time to slice Richard in half…not that it would really have mattered, as long as his head was unharmed he could re grow the rest, it just meant that it would take him awhile to be able to take on his 'human' form again.

"What the hell ya doin' ruinin' good beer worm boy?" Logan grunted annoyed, before blowing some worm juice off of the top of the beer before snapping the can open and taking a good gulp.

Richard quickly changed from his Vermiform to his normal appearance "Hank could probably do with a bit of assistance, he was shoved into the Scientific freezer, he's probably frozen by now" He said it so matter of factly that you couldn't help but remain calm

Mel slapped her hand to her mouth causing me to laugh at her that was until I heard what she said.

"As much as I hate to admit it the ginger winger is right, I do believe we have a mass murderer in our midst."

My blood ran cold…ok it was because I was stood next to where Richard and Logan where trying to prize Hank from the freezer but that isn't the point...

**I meant what I said about reviewing and about Oracles Maiden's fic!! Doooo it!!**


	4. Dancing Dust

***Bows down to reviewers* I am very much in your shadow, people like you compel me to write!!**

**Also this is the last chapter for this story but I did write 2 pages for the next one which I hope to get finished before Xmas!!**

**Meanwhile in the Retribution X wing**

Kat and Jubilee were watching the dust particles dance through the air.

"Look that ones doing the nutcracker" Jubilee pointed out happily

"There's one in the kitchen" Kat pointed to the kitchen helpfully

"What?"

"Corkscrew"

"No I meant that the dust was dancing the Nutcracker"

"What's that?"

Jubilee settled down into the pile of ashes, this could take a while "Remember a while back we went to the ballet?"

"Was there candy floss?"

"No *sigh* that was the fair"

Billy Bob seizing what could be a few hours to torture and hack apart his victim made his way to the walk in freezer where he found Bobby iced up happily munching through the supply of Ice cream. Bobby soon springs into action.

"_Tag your IT!" Bobby runs out into the grounds Billy Bob hot on his heals in order to secure his secret identity from being revealed._

When Billy Bob finally caught up with Bobby, Bobby thought it would be funny at this point to freeze Billy Bob's feet and push him into the pool.

Suddenly a loud splash was heard as some mad ranting person jumped from the roof of the building into the pool (their head it seems was too dense to be broken by such a high fall) and began to drag Billy Bob out.  
"Don't you ever do that to my friends again, do you hear?"

"I'm sorry Kat, it seemed like fun!"

"Oh well that's ok then…as long as you wasn't being silly" The young couple embrace briefly as Kat sets Bobby's t-shirt on fire causing him to jump into the pool to douse the flames.

**20 minutes later….**

Mel, Hank, Logan, Richard and I entered the Retribution X living room to be greeted with the cheerful sight of Bobby and Kat gagged and bound to the hard backed chairs, (Jubilee had been seen heading in a north westerly direction to where there was a midnight 50% off discount sale at the Local mall though they didn't have any money to spend anyway). Unfortunately not even the thick gags could stop Bobby and Kat chuntering on, as they talked animatedly to each other about something incomprehensible. In the corner of the room, going almost unnoticed was that mass murderer Bob Nesbitt wrapped in a towel and shivering slightly.

"That's the one!" Richard helpfully pointed out for those of us who weren't fully aware of who he was already.

Logan and Hank were all over Bob like a hot rash: Logan gave him a good kicking, while Hank threw helpful tips on where would hurt the most, he never could stop being a Doctor. Although after a minute Logan did take pity on the poor guy who was suffering the onslaught of a mental illness from staying cooped up with Bobby and Kat for too long.

Logan patted Bob's back slightly "We've all been there bub, we've all been there!"

While all this was going on Bounce was still trying in vain to get through to Pizza Hut on the phone only to announce sadly that the phones where down.

It was pointed out by the more intelligent among us (Hank) that it would be 'prudent' to ring the police, and so we sent Mel, our sacrificial lamb…er…guardian angel to approach Xavier about borrowing his phone.

**A short while later….**

Mel returned from her visit with the 'old git' with a look of triumph on her face.

"I take it the mission was a success" Bounce asked with a salute and foot stamp

"Well it looked bleak for a while, however I have learned one thing from today and that was that sometimes being Kat does pay off and so I resorted to her tactics" She paused while everyone looked at her expectantly "I threw shoes and stones at him until he let me use it while yelling that he was a 'big fat poopy pants'" She looked at us pride exuding out of her

"Wow, that was harsh" I commented dryly thinking of the choice of words I would have chosen

"I know!" Mel beamed oblivious to the sarcasm

It wasn't long before the police came to take 'Billy Bob' away.

"It's so sad, why does he have to go back to prison he never did anything wrong" Kat sniffled by my side "Why is I always my friends that turn out to be mass murderers?"

Neither me nor any of the others had the heart to inform her that he was in fact being taken on a one way trip to a mental institution.

As the police car turned the corner we began to trudge back to our wing to count the reward in the same manner as Reed Richards counts his vast fortune. 

I looked at the other members of the team blearily from a night without sleep

"We have enough here to cover the phone and electricity bill and to put a down payment on a new team vehicle, or even buy back our old one from the Avengers."

We all looked at each other silently unsure of what to make of the night; the silence was broken by the unexpected sound of Mel bashing her head against what was left of the coffee table

Jubilee (back from her 'shopping trip') looked at her with sympathy "I knew Kat would break her first"

Bounce giggled at this causing her to fall off the log we now used as a sofa.

Suddenly Mel began to giggle uncontrollably 

We exchanged glances and Jubilee made a move to call back the men with the straight jackets.

"We could have had electricity for free…" She said between hiccupy giggles "…Ash can create electricity she could have powered the whole house." Before we knew it the whole room had dissolved into laughter

**The next morning**

It was with delight that we listened to Xavier's tortured screams as he woke up to find Kat handcuffed to one arm and Bobby to the other. It was a sheer pleasure to hear Xavier beg and plead with me to un-handcuff them from him after his strong boastful (to say nothing of ramming) displays of the previous days.

"I will unlock them if you agree to not only foot all of Retribution X's bill, but pay for both of the up coming weddings as well as lay on Hen and Stag do's of a scale so vast that no pub in the vicinity will go unvisited." I said looking at my nails to show that I was enjoying seeing him squirm more than I would enjoy getting a deal.

The rest of Retribution X stood behind me grinning as Kat and Bobby broke into their seventh rendition of Motown classics (at least that's what I think they were, you can never tell with Kats wail)  

"I agree, I agree no please release me"

I smiled at him showing him that he had made the best choice though I couldn't help feeling a little disappointed.

I put my hand in my jean pockets and rifled around for the key, I couldn't keep the look of panic off my face as I patted my self down on search of the key.

"I…erm…I seem…to have…er…misplaced the key" I stammered hunting frenziedly for the damn key

"Come on Ash enough is enough, haven't you put the old man through enough?" Jubilee said looking stern

"No seriously I have lost the key"

Xavier's face fell even further, causing the team to point and laugh.

"Looks like you're stuck with them until I find the key. Sorry" I grimaced in genuine sympathy.

Wolverine however looked on approvingly, he always did like torture.

**Well that's it for this one folks, next up the Hen Night!! Hope ya'll enjoyed! Please leave a review just so I know people read this stuff!**


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